Science confirms iPhones are just the worst

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. iPhones are just the worst. No, it’s not a joke, I’m just wondering how many people are saying it now that science has confirmed what we all suspected.

I’ve never been a big fan of Apple products. Their tight control over every aspect of devices and the content on them has always seemed contrary to the ‘cool and creative’ image the company tried to portray for itself and its users.

I have a low tolerance for that kind of corporate hypocrisy.

I ripped all my CDs to my desktop computer at least ten devices (all non Apple) and two cities ago. All of those files have seamlessly copied over and continue to form my expanding library and archive from computer to tablet to MP3 player to phone over the years.

My wife is an Apple devotee. (Somehow we stay married.) But she regularly curses her iPhones. Files are lost or she can’t access them. The music she has bought from iTunes has to resync with every software update. She’s charged fees for things she has already purchased. I can’t share my music with her.

Anyway. That’s just anecdotal. Science has actually come down on my side, confirming that iPhones are the worst, and the people who choose them are not that great either.

New research from the School of Psychology as the University of Lincoln has found that a person’s choice of smartphone can reveal insights into their personality. PhD candidate Heather Shaw conducted two separate studies into correlations between devices and their users.

The first study showed that Android users are perceived to have greater levels of honesty and humility, agreeableness and openness than iPhone users. They are also more likely to be introverts.

The second study set out to confirm whether or not those perceptions were accurate. It turns out that people who choose Android phones did turn out to be both more honest and humbler than those who prefer iPhones.

And the creativity and individualism that Apple fans boast about their brand? Nope. According to the research, Android users show a much greater ‘avoidance of similarity,’ than the iPhone users. (Meaning they don’t like to have the same thing as everybody else.) Conversely, iPhone users thought it was more important to have a high status phone than Android users.

Heather Shaw explained:

“This study provides new insights into personality differences between different types of smartphone users. Smartphone choice is the most basic level of smartphone personalisation, and even this can tell us a lot about the user.”

“Imagine if we further researched how personality traits relate to the applications people download. It is becoming more and more apparent that smartphones are becoming a mini digital version of the user, and many of us don’t like it when other people use our phones because it can reveal so much about us.”

Also. The phone is no good. Recent tests of 26 different makes and models of smartphones have found that while iPhones do offer a lot of computing power and features, they kind of suck as actual telephones. Three top end Apple phones, the iPhone 6s, iPhone 6 and iPhone 5SE all ranked in the five worst for signal quality. But then again, who actually uses their phone for actually making phone calls anyway?

Finally, the new iPhone seven’s slogan “This is seven” translates to “This is a penis” in Cantonese. Apparently the slang word for penis and the number seven are written the same. The only difference would be on the pronunciation. So on paper, in Cantonese, the iPhone seven is a dick. And where are most iPhones manufactured? China.